Day 4 | Evening | We Are Servants

[Kiran Alsahar]

"I ask to see what your perspective is and share my own in turn," they replied with a small smile. "Not a test, or seeking something I don't have. Sharing perspectives."

[Laila Bridger]

Laila... took a drink.

Truth be told, she felt like she was swimming in very, very deep water, and the significance of all of it- and of what had apparently been lurking in her mind- was as terrifying as almost anything in her life to date.

[Kannon]

"If either of us ever becomes a Reverend Mother, we would just know, and there would be no need for guesswork."

Wanna said, reflecting how she had been conditioned.

"For now, my answer is: ever and never. Humanity is a product in process, ebbing and flowing across millennia, never a given. We wouldn't be necessary if it were otherwise."

[Kiran Alsahar]

"I suppose it's possible that we would. Though that wouldn't really be the right term for me, I think. Well, a bridge to cross if we ever some to it."

"As for my perspective... To know what makes us human, we need to look at what isn't," they gestured to the stars to indicate the empire. "And for anything... or anyone... not human, a broken femur is a death sentence. But someone at some time in the distant past stayed behind when the herds moved on while another person's broken femur healed. They set aside their own survival and nursed them back to health. That's when we became human. That's also what it means to serve, in my mind."

They look out into the bar. "Ten thousand kindnesses are in progress all around us. There are so many we can't even see them unless we make the effort to notice. Those acts of service aren't less than what we do, I think. Finding a way to make that the foundation... I believe we're capable of creating something truly beautiful."

[Laila Bridger]

That... got a nod from Laila.

"In... well. A recent experience? Sort of? Anyway. I found my strength in looking after others. It kept me centered. Aware. Kept me from despair. It was... it was like reawakening into my humanity.."

A glance at Kiran.

"It's also what made family of strangers."

She paused.

"But the reawakening means I don't really think you two are in conflict... about this, anyway. I might be wrong, but..."

[Kannon]

"You are not wrong."

Wanna nodded.

"Kindness does not begin to exhaust what it means to be human. None of us would be here if our ancestors hadn't employed ruthless violence against those they deemed less deserving of survival. If you choose to be defined by only one of our proclivities, you reject experiencing the truth of others. Many fail to become Reverend Mothers, for they refuse their utopias to be humbled by the wealth of human experience, the heart-warming and the disgusting. That your face was carried by both femur menders and the femur breakers."

She looked at Kiran with some intensity.

"You speak of the Shortening of the Way as if it was trivial. There are ways to check. Many have tried."

[Kiran Alsahar]

"Don't put words in my mouth," they replied, blunt as a fridge. "I didn't say anything about it being trivial. Trying something new is always riskier and more dangerous than taking the known road, especially when the current direction is so deeply entrenched that it's close to inevitable. That's why we're in the situation of needing a path in the first place. I also never said that kindness was the breadth of human experience. I think it is a better foundation for a way forward than what's currently coming. Utopia is impossible, though."

"You're oversimplifying my points, in short. I'm not sure why."

[Laila Bridger]

"Because she came here expecting something. From us. Which, since I dunno about you, I've never laid eyes on her before, and given the context, means she knows or is close to someone in the infirmary at Castle Caladan. And we are not at all what was expected, in any way, which has her back-footed, and falling back on what she knows to be true."

Laila offered the woman who still hadn't identified herself a bland smile.

"Which makes at least two, possibly three of us."

The thought struck her, welling up from within.

"But I would suggest proceeding carefully. To all three of us. When strangers meet, great allowances should be made for differences of custom and training, and a beginning is the time for taking great care that the balances are correct."

She blinked, and sipped her drink. Yet another, "where did that come from?" utterance.

"I would hope we could be patient with one another."

[Kannon]

"The truth is a bit simpler. For you to reject my oversimplifications. Without anger. So that you learn to better debate with the universe."

At Laila's intervention, she had tilted her head, smiled a little, an unreadable smile. Later, she added: "With humility and patience."

She then produced the smallest of books in metallic cover, held by a filigree strap. She undid the strap with a precise movement that required great muscle-nerve control and amid razor-thin pages found the one she wanted. With minuscule font filling it out only a very trained unarmed eye could read. This time, she read it.

"The search for an ultimate, unifying explanation for all things is a fruitless endeavour, a step in the wrong direction. This is why, in a universe of chaos, we must constantly adapt."

She then looked up, closed and strapped the book without looking, and placed it between them.

"This is Azhar Book. Share this copy and learn from it. This is the best I can do for both of you, not being a Proctor."

[Kiran Alsahar]

They nodded. "Understood. We will."

[Laila Bridger]

"You... do know that for me, at least, this is all... this stuff wasn't in my head two days ago. None of it. You know that, right?"

[Kannon]

"You might have been imprinted. There are traces of conditioning in both of you. But instinct is not learning. Now you must learn how to learn."

[Laila Bridger]

"That's what has me worried. I'm..."

She scowled.

"It's a lot of responsibility. And I'm not...."

She took a breath.

Centered herself.,

Fear is the mind-killer.

"I'll get ready."

A look to Kiran.

"Might need a lot of help, but I'll get ready."

[Kiran Alsahar]

Kiran smiled. "That's my job."

"As for me, I presume there's some aspects of what you do in the training I grew up with, so I'm not totally in the dark."

[Kannon]

"Our schooling is not a public good but every now and then there happens a sister who knows better."

You had it coming, Jessica.

"The Emperor exterminates renegades of his kind. We collect ours, to check if they can be rescued."

[Laila Bridger]

The pieces suddenly fit together, and Laila closed her eyes.

"Auntie. This is Auntie's damned fault. Hardly the first time her goddamn lessons got me in over my head..."

She gave a resigned sigh.

"Kiran, I hope you can... anyway. Thank you. I love you, you know that, right? You. Lady. Whoever you are, whatever you call yourself. One of your... renegades died on Grumman. Most of my unit did, too, but... not all. Might want to look in on Elacca. Veterans of the war. Called us the Honor Guard."

She shrugged.

"Might be a few rescue cases there. Might be none of them need the attention, but... if we're to... figure this out, then... I'd rather it wasn't stumbled across by accident. Those girls have had enough chaos in their lives."

[Kiran Alsahar]

"Our schooling is not a public good but every now and then there happens a sister who knows better."

You had it coming, Jessica.

"The Emperor exterminates renegades of his kind. We collect ours, to check if they can be rescued."

"I see," they said with a nod, then looked down at the book, running their fingers over it. A guide to not getting killed before their purpose is fulfilled, then. That worked.

[Kannon]

The woman looked strangely after 'love' was expressed.

"My name is Wanna. And I will have someone look into the circumstances of those other women."

Kiran quickly discovered that what Wanna had made look so easy - opening the book - was actually quite the challenge. The strap and cover didn't listen to their fingers, at least not yet. The book itself was setting an entry threshold that required muscle discipline to overcome.

[Kiran Alsahar]

They nodded. "Pleased to meet you," they said with a nod.

The test coming before the lesson certainly fits what I've seen so far.

[Laila Bridger]

"Hello, Wanna. I'm Laila."

Sip.

"I know I told you that before, but it seems like we're beginning... something, so being polite is only fair."